IF LIFE IS A BOWL OF CHERRIES WHAT AM I DOING IN THE PITS: Published by McGRAW-HILL in 1978 & written by ERMA BOMBECK. In this uproarious encore to THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER OVER THE SEPTIC TANK, Erma Bombeck confronts society’s greatest challenges: Surviving the Seventies—the fears, the worries, the anxieties. She shares with her millions of readers some of her deepest concerns: discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along: getting into the GUINNESS BOOK OF RECOREDS under “Pregnancy: Oldest Recorded Birth,” leaving the world suddenly and knowing that no one else in the family can replace a toilet-tissue spindle. Erma meditates on such philosophical dilemmas as who killed apple pie, and contemplates the futility of surviving a white sale only to find that all that’s left are double top sheets and single contour bottoms. She offers warm and wise adice on what to do when the supermarket discontinues your silverware pattern, and provides sane alternatives for the working wife trying to quick-thaw a pork chop under each armpit. The book abounds with down-to-earth practical suggestions for coping—the art of financing sirloin tip at 6 percent on the unpaid balance for thirty-six months, the secret of making towel racks out of oversexed coat hangers, what to do when your ozone is in trouble, how to handle traumas, natural disasters, deep depression, and readily adjust when they run out of extra-crispy chicken at the carry-out. Erma provides incontrovertible evidence that the Institution of the Family must and will survive, that we are not meant to be alone—after all. Twinkies come twelve to a box, kitchen chairs four to a set, and gum five to a package. In rare and revealing moments she tells of some of her deepest experiences—how she made it through the tennis craze and almost won the Varicose Open, and she shares with us the despair of not being able to find a babysitter, the awful realization that no one wants to be paid for what you’ve been doing for years for nothing. In a breakthrough section of political and social commentary she proposes radical reforms: the Hernia Amendment to the National Anthem; Kissing by Mutual ratification, and the Regulation of Interstate Shopping Cart Traffic.
*there are small tears on the dust jacket of this volume